K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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