Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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