3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
