Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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