you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize