Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize