he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
