office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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