Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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