living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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