Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
