I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
