Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
