Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I puked a lego.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
