There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
