I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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