My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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