The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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