She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
