Small penises have feelings too.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
