there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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