he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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