do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
