he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize