sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
