hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
