Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize