Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
