My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
