Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
