I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
