You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
