the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
