A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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