did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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