Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
