My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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