All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
