he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
