Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
