yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
