I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize