I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
