I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
