I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
