I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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