I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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