I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
