No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
