At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize