: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
