mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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