i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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