just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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