How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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