I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
