Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
