It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
