yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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