you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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