my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize