Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
