I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
