I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
