Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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